Funny Quotes Only

'After completing a lot of research, finally we are so happy to bring Only Humorous quotes so that our reader could enjoy pure entertainment here.'

"When I said less is more..I did not mean you do less and ask for more!"

"The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one."
- Anonymous

"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance."

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing."

"It is mandatory to grow old, optional to grow up."

"Imagine a world without hypothetical situations."

"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."
- Sinclair Lewis

"Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too."
- Lichty & Wagner

"Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln

"I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair." - Hillary Clinton

"You know, she speaks eighteen different languages. And she can't say "No" in any of them."
- Dorothy Parker - speaking of an acquaintance

"Where does she find them?"
- Dorothy Parker - in reply to "Anyway, she's always very nice to her inferiors."

"Excuse my dust"
- Dorothy Parker

"You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience."
- Stanislaw J. Lem

"One man's folly is another man's wife." - Helen Rowland

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby." - Natalie Wood

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock

"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt."
- J. Heller

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Berry

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." - Don Marquis

"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first." - George Carlin

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." - Steven Wright

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley

"I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants."
- Elvis Presley

"I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town."
- Michael Prichard

"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - Ed Asner

"The young always have the same problem--how to rebel and conform at the same time.

"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."
- David Letterman

"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world."
- David Letterman

"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
- Albert Einstein

"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."
- David Letterman

"They have now solved this problem by defying their parents and copying one another."
- Quentin Crisp

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