"Your service was always important for our business.. And now we think you have served our purpose!"
This is how they kick you out in smarter and sweeter way. On one hand, they are considering your service as an important factor for their business growth. But on another hand, they are showing your exit door because their purpose has been met. They have taken best out of you and now they think that you're no more productive for them. How cruel! But this the reality of world. Everyone is out their with you because you are somehow beneficial to them but when they realize that you are not worth it, they literally throw you.
Love Gaining
"I am proactive and sharp. I just love Gaining... unless its weight."
Everyone wants to gain/profit. But there are some situations where gaining can be very harmful. That is why that girl is saying that in case of weight, she loves to loose. Because gaining weight invites lots of troubles and insults. They fond of eating oily/junk food, late hours sleep and no exercise but they want to be slim. Very smart. But sorry.. there is NO shortcut!
Everyone wants to gain/profit. But there are some situations where gaining can be very harmful. That is why that girl is saying that in case of weight, she loves to loose. Because gaining weight invites lots of troubles and insults. They fond of eating oily/junk food, late hours sleep and no exercise but they want to be slim. Very smart. But sorry.. there is NO shortcut!
First Year of My Demotion
"Don not get surprised! This party is to celebrate the first anniversary of my demotion!"
The boss really shocks when he see his man is celebrating. He always tries his best to give him lost of pains. But he feels so happy when his colleague clears the misunderstanding. The one year of demotion has been completed and it is celebration time! This is what happening all around. They are not getting promoted at all. Every time they get A4 or exit letter. Right satire on those people but we are having fun..
The boss really shocks when he see his man is celebrating. He always tries his best to give him lost of pains. But he feels so happy when his colleague clears the misunderstanding. The one year of demotion has been completed and it is celebration time! This is what happening all around. They are not getting promoted at all. Every time they get A4 or exit letter. Right satire on those people but we are having fun..
No increase in headcount
"There will absolutely be no increase in headcount, sir.. I have appointed only those heads who don't count!"
There is unavailability of commonsense, smartness, creativity and forthrightness in people. They work like robots. They just don't want to change anything because it involves sharp mind and risk. They never use their own mind, well they don't have. So that is why that HR person is taking their headcount as no count.
There is unavailability of commonsense, smartness, creativity and forthrightness in people. They work like robots. They just don't want to change anything because it involves sharp mind and risk. They never use their own mind, well they don't have. So that is why that HR person is taking their headcount as no count.
Number one
"You are number one in the international list - so what if it is the list of defaulter on foreign loan."
Only being number one matters! In what criteria or field.. forget about it. here, someone appraises him for coming on the top rank of the list.. but the actual secret reveals when he adds next line. Yeah, top defaulter in repaying the credits. But somehow he has earned the name and fame.
Only being number one matters! In what criteria or field.. forget about it. here, someone appraises him for coming on the top rank of the list.. but the actual secret reveals when he adds next line. Yeah, top defaulter in repaying the credits. But somehow he has earned the name and fame.
Personal e-mails
"I check all my personal e-mails at office so that it does not get in the hand of my wife!"
So common thing done my men. They are always in the search of affairs with beautiful women. So they do the research in office where their wives are far away and they are free and fearless. All their personal secret work take place in those hours. That is why numbers of extra marital affairs are increasing rapidly.
So common thing done my men. They are always in the search of affairs with beautiful women. So they do the research in office where their wives are far away and they are free and fearless. All their personal secret work take place in those hours. That is why numbers of extra marital affairs are increasing rapidly.
I just don't care
"I just don't care whether you need one life or many to complete the project. I want it done today!"
Your bosses know very well about how tough and time consuming that task is but still they close their eyes and give you deadlines which are impossible to be met. And you have to say 'Yes' to save your skin. This is because if they agree with you, but their superior will not agree with them. It is a chain system which is really so ridiculous!
Your bosses know very well about how tough and time consuming that task is but still they close their eyes and give you deadlines which are impossible to be met. And you have to say 'Yes' to save your skin. This is because if they agree with you, but their superior will not agree with them. It is a chain system which is really so ridiculous!
When other people laugh
"It irritates me when other people laugh and still look attractive, but when I laugh, I look like a demon showing teeth."
It happens in the real world. When we see others doing something, it fascinates us. But when we try that, we feel it is not our cup of tea. Some people are blessed with great talent. Whatever they do, suits them and makes them a point of attraction. But when you try, it becomes laughing stock for everybody. So practice before you go.
It happens in the real world. When we see others doing something, it fascinates us. But when we try that, we feel it is not our cup of tea. Some people are blessed with great talent. Whatever they do, suits them and makes them a point of attraction. But when you try, it becomes laughing stock for everybody. So practice before you go.
Value experience
"I told you that we value experience and that is why you are being given the used company car!"
In corporate sector, they value the 'Experience' but here, an over-smart boss changes the meaning of it. He facilitates his employee with a company car and shocks him when he sees the experienced/used car. It also shows that companies always think of their benefits only and do all tricks to save their money.
In corporate sector, they value the 'Experience' but here, an over-smart boss changes the meaning of it. He facilitates his employee with a company car and shocks him when he sees the experienced/used car. It also shows that companies always think of their benefits only and do all tricks to save their money.
Be a critic.
Everybody around here is criticizing others for something they can't do or can't achieve! Author Richard pryor has pointed this habit of people. In childhood, we often wish to be a doctor, engineer or actor etc. but somehow we all grow up as a critic. Whenever we see our friends or known, we start commenting. It is really so rollicking.
Reason for Smile
"Do you know what really makes me smile? My facial muscles!"
Good trick of insulting someone. As you ask them the reason for your smile, they expect that you gonna give credit to them but suddenly you say something silly and laugh. How jocular!
Good trick of insulting someone. As you ask them the reason for your smile, they expect that you gonna give credit to them but suddenly you say something silly and laugh. How jocular!
Women and cats
"Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it."
It's a very gleeful jibe on women while doing their comparison with men. Females, like cats, are very obstinate and they do only what they wish do. No one can make them understand. So men should accept this fact and agree on it instead of doing arguments and fights with them.
It's a very gleeful jibe on women while doing their comparison with men. Females, like cats, are very obstinate and they do only what they wish do. No one can make them understand. So men should accept this fact and agree on it instead of doing arguments and fights with them.
Worst Advice
You often read lots of sayings suggesting 'Be yourself' statement. But here is a fall. Some people look good when they pretend not to be themselves because their real-selves suck. This is what happening in our above quote. Someone suggests the target person to be himself and when he tries to be, it really makes them feel so bore and irritating. And they start showing their anger on that person who suggested! Well great!
Trouble of Married People
"At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."
Marriage is the biggest gamble of world. Sometimes you win but most of the time you lose. So Author has mentioned the funny thing about marriage is that you get stuck with opposite nature. If you love parties then you gonna engage with the person who hates going out. So there are lots of things on which you have to compromise. I hope someday, someone will break the bad image of marriage and comes out as a happy married man/woman. Well, impossible!
Marriage is the biggest gamble of world. Sometimes you win but most of the time you lose. So Author has mentioned the funny thing about marriage is that you get stuck with opposite nature. If you love parties then you gonna engage with the person who hates going out. So there are lots of things on which you have to compromise. I hope someday, someone will break the bad image of marriage and comes out as a happy married man/woman. Well, impossible!
Worse things than death
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
The fear of death is very dangerous than death. So when you stuck up spending time with life insurance agent, he shows lots of statistics of deaths, accidents and tragedies that your heart and mind keep on thinking about end of life. He successfully creates a sad picture of your family after you die. So here Mr. Woody Allen elaborates the forceful nature of sales people while puling their legs.
The fear of death is very dangerous than death. So when you stuck up spending time with life insurance agent, he shows lots of statistics of deaths, accidents and tragedies that your heart and mind keep on thinking about end of life. He successfully creates a sad picture of your family after you die. So here Mr. Woody Allen elaborates the forceful nature of sales people while puling their legs.
I guess I’ll have Champagne
"I asked my date what she wanted to drink. She said, ‘Oh, I guess I’ll have Champagne.’ I said, ‘Guess again.’"
What a dumb boyfriend! Her girl hints that she want to have some fun while taking some alcohol and it is the best chance for any boy. But he asks her to have second thought. I am sure when he'll understand it, he will repent a lot.
What a dumb boyfriend! Her girl hints that she want to have some fun while taking some alcohol and it is the best chance for any boy. But he asks her to have second thought. I am sure when he'll understand it, he will repent a lot.
Better with age
"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."
Wives are really so silly. They only understand half things. That is why she locks her husband in store so her husband could get better.
Wives are really so silly. They only understand half things. That is why she locks her husband in store so her husband could get better.
Finding a plumber
There are lots of people around there who believe that God doesn't exist. They are very atheist. So did they every try to find that plumber on holidays? Here, American director, actor, comedian Woody allen pokes fun at the shortage of laymen services.
Man and Woman Talks
"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute."
We men are not always guilty but sometimes greedy. So it is a big tragedy that men can not talk what they imagine with women because all the laws are in women's favor. But what about those lines where very special charges apply to hear women fantasy!
We men are not always guilty but sometimes greedy. So it is a big tragedy that men can not talk what they imagine with women because all the laws are in women's favor. But what about those lines where very special charges apply to hear women fantasy!
Hate getting up early in Morning
This quote innocently describes how sweet that morning sleep is.. It also lime lights the emptiness of modern cultures. The real life becomes so meaningless that in morning, they prefer no to get up! But the people, who have good sense of humor, make life worth living by making us laugh a lot.
Colossal pain
This one is for those people who have a person who often irritates them. It's like, you stuck up with them, neither be with them nor leave them! They keep on making you angry with their stupid punches. So calling them a pain in your below belt area would be perfect match. Enjoy that pain.
Relatives and Friends
"God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends."
We all know that how jealous, competitive and uncooperative relatives are! This quote is so capable of throwing a funny taunt on their strange selfish behavior in a smart way. Why the hell they can't see us happy? But we can not skip them as there is no choice. But thankful to God because he has given us freedom to develop friendship with those people we like, understand and trust.
We all know that how jealous, competitive and uncooperative relatives are! This quote is so capable of throwing a funny taunt on their strange selfish behavior in a smart way. Why the hell they can't see us happy? But we can not skip them as there is no choice. But thankful to God because he has given us freedom to develop friendship with those people we like, understand and trust.
No taste
"I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you."
He must be getting confused whether you're appraising or insulting! Whatever but it is something on which we can laugh on.. You can use it in deriding that backstabber. It really works like a sweet knife. It's a decent way to pull their legs. They won't be understood that how to react on above sober punch. Oops, by the way do you really like them!
He must be getting confused whether you're appraising or insulting! Whatever but it is something on which we can laugh on.. You can use it in deriding that backstabber. It really works like a sweet knife. It's a decent way to pull their legs. They won't be understood that how to react on above sober punch. Oops, by the way do you really like them!
We both donate money but..
Wow so cool! We all know what men want. But this man is describing his addiction in a very funny and pleasing way which makes us laugh. He is telling that he feels pity on needy girls and donate them money for hugs, care and rest for what - you all are enough mature to get that. He really seems to be a humor-lover and kind-hearten.
Funny Dream
"A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime."
The hilarious quote by Sam Ewing describing a good but funny conversation of two husbands about their hilarious dream. They are very sad but can not share their worries with friends. So one of them dare to explain his condition through a dream of his wife and another man also replied in a good way to show how miserable his life is with his wife. What a great sense of humor!
The hilarious quote by Sam Ewing describing a good but funny conversation of two husbands about their hilarious dream. They are very sad but can not share their worries with friends. So one of them dare to explain his condition through a dream of his wife and another man also replied in a good way to show how miserable his life is with his wife. What a great sense of humor!
Secret
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." –
It is very old but most liked quote ever for enjoyable distraction. Big genius, philosophers and business tycoons have failed to find the secret of satisfied good married life. So when someone asked from Henny about it he replied in a very pleased way. This quote is definitely so funny as it pokes about the element of laugher into relations. And if you know that secret, please comment. Lol!
It is very old but most liked quote ever for enjoyable distraction. Big genius, philosophers and business tycoons have failed to find the secret of satisfied good married life. So when someone asked from Henny about it he replied in a very pleased way. This quote is definitely so funny as it pokes about the element of laugher into relations. And if you know that secret, please comment. Lol!
Cash rich and Cashless
"Our joint venture combines the best of both -- your company is cash rich and mine cashless!"
This funny quote represents the situation of modern collaborations. Some people are too smart that they join their empty hands with rich people and do well. What an idea! Success comes for sure.
This funny quote represents the situation of modern collaborations. Some people are too smart that they join their empty hands with rich people and do well. What an idea! Success comes for sure.
Idea of total outsourcing
"The board has liked your idea of total outsourcing and has taken it even further...by outsourcing your function too!"
How amusing! Some people try to be over-smart but they don't know that their smartness can be harmful for them too. As in above situation, he was trying to be over-smart in boss's eye, but they are also genius so he adds him the firing list too!
How amusing! Some people try to be over-smart but they don't know that their smartness can be harmful for them too. As in above situation, he was trying to be over-smart in boss's eye, but they are also genius so he adds him the firing list too!
Cut to size
"Once you've appointed me as a management cutter, I'll make sure that extra-smart managers are cut to size.. professionally."
Management has become the thing of amusement. Officers pull each others leg, make ladder and go up. That is what new interviewee is trying to do. He is explaining how good he is into cost cutting. He knows that organizations need the people who think of their benefits.
Management has become the thing of amusement. Officers pull each others leg, make ladder and go up. That is what new interviewee is trying to do. He is explaining how good he is into cost cutting. He knows that organizations need the people who think of their benefits.
FMCG man
"Great! You truly seem to be FMCG man.. You've moved from job to job faster than any FMCG product that you've handled!"
In this Fast Moving consumer Goods(FMCG) industry, daily use things sell very fast because of their high demand. But this fellow is trying to fool the interviewer but that man caught him. The boss gives a good punch by commenting his behavior of changing jobs so fast.
In this Fast Moving consumer Goods(FMCG) industry, daily use things sell very fast because of their high demand. But this fellow is trying to fool the interviewer but that man caught him. The boss gives a good punch by commenting his behavior of changing jobs so fast.
To survive in corporate world
"To survive in this dog eat dog corporate world, I've been advised a diet of only hot-dogs!"
So true! The competition is very much high and corporate world has become like the war of dog. But this man cracks up a joke by relating is that food item. What a Good sense of humor.
So true! The competition is very much high and corporate world has become like the war of dog. But this man cracks up a joke by relating is that food item. What a Good sense of humor.
Not to worry
"Not to worry! I can find some project even for your lazy son - in new and upcoming leisure industry!"
Rich people's all faults are forgettable. Their money covers the so well. So what he is lazy, their is a team who can give them cooked food. The projects are ready to give them credit of creativity. Well done guys!
Rich people's all faults are forgettable. Their money covers the so well. So what he is lazy, their is a team who can give them cooked food. The projects are ready to give them credit of creativity. Well done guys!
Last night my wife
You must be thinking what I thought when I read that first line. But the last line changes the whole game because she is coming from outside so late! The thing to be happy or the situation to be doubted on? Well let her husband handle it. It often happens with married people. Not a big deal.
Electronic banking
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
This quote is a satire on modern technology of banking. They are unaware that there is a much much faster way where the cash in your hand get transferred in a friction of second. Yeah that is called marriage (funny but seriously practical happening thing we all face). Sorry girls but ask from those men who work so hard all the month and hand over their pay in those extravagant soft hands.
This quote is a satire on modern technology of banking. They are unaware that there is a much much faster way where the cash in your hand get transferred in a friction of second. Yeah that is called marriage (funny but seriously practical happening thing we all face). Sorry girls but ask from those men who work so hard all the month and hand over their pay in those extravagant soft hands.
Yes, No, Yes, No
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
She stops to breathe
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Expensive questions
"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing."
The perfect quote pointing to those interrogative wives (well all) who never leave a chance to make their men's lives as bad as hell! So when a husband goes to psychiatrist for the treatment of his disease realizes that their questions are very similar to his wife. The only difference is that he is paying a lot for this.
The perfect quote pointing to those interrogative wives (well all) who never leave a chance to make their men's lives as bad as hell! So when a husband goes to psychiatrist for the treatment of his disease realizes that their questions are very similar to his wife. The only difference is that he is paying a lot for this.
Easier things
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for example.
Divorce
"My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce."
In this quote, the picture of typical marriage has been shown. There are lots of fights, argument and even they try to kill one another but they do not try to end the problem. Yes, they do not go for divorce. And when anger goes on, they also show love for one another. It is the real fun of relationships. Some people call it madness.
In this quote, the picture of typical marriage has been shown. There are lots of fights, argument and even they try to kill one another but they do not try to end the problem. Yes, they do not go for divorce. And when anger goes on, they also show love for one another. It is the real fun of relationships. Some people call it madness.
Let them walk to school
"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."
When first I read above quote, I laughed. This person must be miser or very very practical. But it is true that easy way of learning things is not very effective. Someone who did lots of hard work knows the value. So let the kids also go through that tough time because there is no shortcut!
When first I read above quote, I laughed. This person must be miser or very very practical. But it is true that easy way of learning things is not very effective. Someone who did lots of hard work knows the value. So let the kids also go through that tough time because there is no shortcut!
Seat belt
"Airline hostesses show you how to use a seat belt in case you haven’t been in a car since 1956."
This person is trying to give advice to the person who even doesn't know the meaning of A. You can say that a person who can not afford to have fan at home, is getting tips on how to operate air-condition at home. So when someone is doing such a silly thing, you can instantly punch this joke.
This person is trying to give advice to the person who even doesn't know the meaning of A. You can say that a person who can not afford to have fan at home, is getting tips on how to operate air-condition at home. So when someone is doing such a silly thing, you can instantly punch this joke.
Without chemicals
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
People relate to
It's something that people relate to - and I hope my kid doesn't relate to - but there's a level of believability in playing complex characters. You know, Christopher Walken has done some hilarious comedies, De Niro. There's great room for complexity and darkness to do well in comedies.
Perfect Woman
How funny! The life of married people has become such a center point that it fits in every taunt, comment or joke. Single man is considered so lucky as compared to married one. But God is always very kind. God listens him when he needs a good life partner, but natural after marriage, man finds himself more tensed. So God again helps him!
Women and cats
Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Useless
"You're about as useless as the warning label on a pack of cigarettes."
It's a fact that no one cares for warning labels. If you're addicted, you care a damn. So they write just for formality. So comparing someone with that warning to realize him/her how unimportant he/she is really so funny! So just be witty and use this quote to have fun in your circle.
It's a fact that no one cares for warning labels. If you're addicted, you care a damn. So they write just for formality. So comparing someone with that warning to realize him/her how unimportant he/she is really so funny! So just be witty and use this quote to have fun in your circle.
Women are like milk
Is it true that men are like a good bottle of wine – the older they get the better – and women are like milk – they get sour pretty fast?
Your reputation
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
You are a fool
"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others."
When everyone keeps on saying same thing about a person, there must be something true in that rumor. So when that person meets me, I show him some sympathy by standing on his side but what about the thinking of maximum people. So indirectly I am with majority!
When everyone keeps on saying same thing about a person, there must be something true in that rumor. So when that person meets me, I show him some sympathy by standing on his side but what about the thinking of maximum people. So indirectly I am with majority!
Want me to accept
"Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?"
It's a very straight forward quote making fun of those persons who like to hear lie about themselves. They are in favor of insincere praise. But if you are true enough, you can bluntly say it to their face. And it is a good idea to awake that from lame dream. It look so funny but on the same time it helps to make them aware of their realities which is good for them in long run!
It's a very straight forward quote making fun of those persons who like to hear lie about themselves. They are in favor of insincere praise. But if you are true enough, you can bluntly say it to their face. And it is a good idea to awake that from lame dream. It look so funny but on the same time it helps to make them aware of their realities which is good for them in long run!
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