1. My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh.
2. I'd tell you my favorite joke about short people, but it'd probably go over your head.
3. "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that." - Mitch Hedberg
4. "Someone should open up a restaurant called "I don't care". Then we can finally go to that restaurant my girlfriends always talking about."
5. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
6. "I have a parrot and it talks. But it did not say it was hungry, so it died." -Also Mitch
7. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
8. If your girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant.
9. "A banana is like a reverse stop light. Green means wait. Yellow means go ahead. Red means where the fk did you get that banana?"
10. "I got the receptionist's phone number at my hotel, it was zero."
11. "I tried to walk into target and missed." -Mitch Hedberg
12. "Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something." Mitch Hedberg.
13. I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. - Steven Wright
14. My life is full of chocolates.
15. You and me, yes you and me can live in forest.
16. Ours mom dad are too conservative to understand us.
17. Life is so funny until you get mature.
18. Friend's wife and own kids - both look sweet.
19. Men have bog heart, why to settle for one lady!
20. I love you but when I see other beautiful girls, I feel the same for them.
21. You are damn fat and I am not joking!
22. Seriously funny when you ask something you already know.
777. When we're doing make out, my girlfriend likes to pretend she's 14 which is weird because she has 3 more years to go.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you say?