'Read and enjoy your favorite and most famous funny quotes by harry potter.'
"I don't know who Maxime thinks she's kidding. If Hagrid's half-giant, she definitely is. Big bones... the only thing that's got bigger bones than her is a dinosaur."
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"He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy..."
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"Brilliant! It's Potions last thing on Friday! Snape won't have the time to poison us all!"
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"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"
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"Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night," said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. "What do you think that means?"
"Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something," said Harry, turning the pages of The Dream Oracle without interest.
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"Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours [broom], Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you."
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"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."
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"Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"
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"Voldemort uses people his enemies are close to. He's already used you as bait once, and that was just because you're my best friend's sister. Think how much danger you'll be in if we keep this up. He'll know, he'll find out. He'll try and get to me through you."
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"And Harry said last night," retorted Ron, "if it means we're supposed to get matey with the Slytherins, fat chance."
"Well, I think it's a pity we're not trying for a bit of inter-House unity," said Hermione crossly.
They had reached the foot of the marble staircase. A line of fourth-year Ravenclaws was crossing the entrance hall; they caught sight of Harry and hurried to form a tighter group, as though frightened he might attack stragglers.
"Yeah, we really ought to be trying to make friends with people like that," said Harry sarcastically.
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"Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..."
"Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?" said Harry sarcastically.
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"How long have you been 'Big D' then?" said Harry.
"Shut it," snarled Dudley, turning away again.
"Cool name," said Harry, grinning, "but you'll always be Ickle Diddykins to me."
"Shut your face."
"You don't tell her [Aunt Petunia] to shut her face. What about 'popkin' and 'Dinky Diddydums,' can I use them then?"
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"Listen, if you [Fred and George] don't take it [the gold], I'm throwing it down the drain. I don't want it and I don't need it. But I could do with a few laughs. We could all do with a few laughs. I've got a feeling we're going to need them more than usual before long."
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"You can't give a Dementor the old one-two!"
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"Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes -- yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.
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"Er -- thanks very much, Ernie," said Harry, taken aback. Ernie might be pompous on occasions like these, but Harry was in a mood to deeply appreciate a vote of confidence from somebody who was not wearing radishes in their ears.
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"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious...."
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"Cut it out," he said firmly, rubbing the scar as the pain receded again. "First sign of madness, talking to your own head," said a sly voice from the empty picture on the wall.
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"You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face - like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?"
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"He [Dumbledore] will only be gone from the school when none are loyal to him."
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"It's just hard," Harry said finally, in a low voice, "to realize he won't write me again."
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"I realised I can’t shut myself away or crack up. It could be me next, couldn’t it? But if it is, I’ll make sure I take as many Death Eaters with me as I can and Voldemort too, if I can manage it."
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"Snape killed Dumbledore."
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"Dumbledore's man through and through," said Harry. "That's right."
"They don't know know we're not allowed to use magic at home. I'm going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer..."
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"There's no need to call me sir Professor."
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"Do you think -- do you think I give a -- I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO SAY!" Harry roared. "I don't want to hear anything you've got to say!"
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"SO WHAT?" Harry shouted. "Don't you understand? If Snape gets hold of the stone, Voldemort's coming back! Haven't you heard what it was like when he was trying to take over? There won't be any Hogwarts to get expelled from! He'll flatten it, or turn it into a school for the Dark Arts! Losing points doesn't matter anymore, can't you see? D'you think he'll leave you and your families alone if Gryffindor wins the house cup? If I get caught before I can get to the stone, well, I'll have to go back to the Dursleys and wait for Voldemort to find me there, it's only dying a bit later than I would have, because I'm never going over to the Dark Side! I'm going through that trapdoor tonight and nothing you two say is going to stop me! Voldemort killed my parents, remember?"
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"Yeah, and others might say it's your duty to check that people really are Death Eaters before you chuck them in prison," said Harry, his temper rising now. "You're doing what Barty Crouch did. You never get it right, you people, do you? Either we've got Fudge, pretending everything's lovely while people get murdered right under his nose, or we've got you, chucking the wrong people into jail and trying to pretend you've got 'the Chosen One' working for you!"
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"Wow... look at that... he's not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!"
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"Well, think back," said Harry. "Have you ever let it slip that you'd like to go out in public with the words 'My Sweetheart' round your neck?"
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"Warrington's aim's so pathetic I'd be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me."
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"She's Ron's sister.
But she's ditched Dean!
She's still Ron's sister.
I'm his best mate!
That'll make it worse.
If I talked to him first-
He'd hit you.
What if I don't care?
He's your best mate!"
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[To Mundungus] "What did you do, go back the night he died and strip the place?"
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"I like a quiet life, you know me."
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"And they'd [the Death Eaters] love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in."
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"SHE KILLED SIRIUS! SHE KILLED HIM -- I'LL KILL HER!"
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