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Winning the lottery

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

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Clean Funny Quotes & Jokes to Enjoy Life
Funny Quote: Stay single and be miserable, or get married
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich
Eye contact
When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a bitch".
Huge Myth
Humility
Stop mistaking my wonderful sense of humor
Yoga pants with no ass is like a wallet with no money.
Grinding ego

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Mark Twain Anon Woody Allen Jarod Kintz Joey Adams Rodney Dangerfield Cool Dave Barry Elayne Boosler Fran Lebowitz H.L. Mencken Jerry Seinfeld Joyce Brothers Yogi Berra Alan Carr Alan Coren Alex Levine Andrea Dworkin Andy Rooney Ann Landers Arthur Smith Ben Jonson Benjamin Tillett Benny Hill Bess Myerson Bill Cosby Bill Flavin Bill Watterson Blake Shelton Bob Hope Bob Varsha Carlos Santana Cassandra Clare Charles Lamb Charlie Chaplin Charlotte Whittond Chelsea Handler Chris Rock Christopher Meloni Claude D. Pepper David Brent Demetri Martin Dick Gregory Dorothy Parker Ellen DeGeneres Eminem Erma Bombeck Ethel Mumford Euripides Franklin Delano Roosevelt Franklin Jones George Bernard Shaw George Burns George W. Bush Gilda Radner Harry S. Truman Henny Youngman Henry David Thoreau Henry Youngman Homer Innocent Jenny Marx Jeremy Sisto Jim Harrison Jim Leyland Jimmy Durante Jo Brand Joan Rivers Johnny Carson Josh Hutcherson Joshua Lederberg Julie Burchill Karl Pilkington Ken Dodd Ken Olson Kin Hubbard Ladies' Home Journal Lake Bell Larry Hardiman Lee Dashiell Lord Mancroft Mark Grasso Max Frisch Michael Pritchard Mignon McLaughlin Mike Tyson Osbert Sitwell Oscar Wilde Pat Williams Paul McCartney Peter Ustinov Rachel Weisz Reba McEntire Richard Pryor Rita Rudner Robert A. Heinlein Robert Heinlein Ronald Knox Ronald Reagan Sam Ewing Sam Kinison Samuel Tayler Coleridge Sid Caesar Sigmund Freud Simon Munnery Simon Wiesenthal Slappy White Socrates Spencer Tracy Steve Martin Taylor Meade Tom Waits William Castle Winston Churchill Zsa Zsa Gabor

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