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If I actually "spoke my mind," I'd be in deep shit.

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Clean Funny Quotes & Jokes to Enjoy Life
Funny Quote: Stay single and be miserable, or get married
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich
Eye contact
When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a bitch".
Huge Myth
Humility
Stop mistaking my wonderful sense of humor
Yoga pants with no ass is like a wallet with no money.
Grinding ego

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Mark Twain Anon Woody Allen Jarod Kintz Joey Adams Rodney Dangerfield Cool Dave Barry Elayne Boosler Fran Lebowitz H.L. Mencken Jerry Seinfeld Joyce Brothers Yogi Berra Alan Carr Alan Coren Alex Levine Andrea Dworkin Andy Rooney Ann Landers Arthur Smith Ben Jonson Benjamin Tillett Benny Hill Bess Myerson Bill Cosby Bill Flavin Bill Watterson Blake Shelton Bob Hope Bob Varsha Carlos Santana Cassandra Clare Charles Lamb Charlie Chaplin Charlotte Whittond Chelsea Handler Chris Rock Christopher Meloni Claude D. Pepper David Brent Demetri Martin Dick Gregory Dorothy Parker Ellen DeGeneres Eminem Erma Bombeck Ethel Mumford Euripides Franklin Delano Roosevelt Franklin Jones George Bernard Shaw George Burns George W. Bush Gilda Radner Harry S. Truman Henny Youngman Henry David Thoreau Henry Youngman Homer Innocent Jenny Marx Jeremy Sisto Jim Harrison Jim Leyland Jimmy Durante Jo Brand Joan Rivers Johnny Carson Josh Hutcherson Joshua Lederberg Julie Burchill Karl Pilkington Ken Dodd Ken Olson Kin Hubbard Ladies' Home Journal Lake Bell Larry Hardiman Lee Dashiell Lord Mancroft Mark Grasso Max Frisch Michael Pritchard Mignon McLaughlin Mike Tyson Osbert Sitwell Oscar Wilde Pat Williams Paul McCartney Peter Ustinov Rachel Weisz Reba McEntire Richard Pryor Rita Rudner Robert A. Heinlein Robert Heinlein Ronald Knox Ronald Reagan Sam Ewing Sam Kinison Samuel Tayler Coleridge Sid Caesar Sigmund Freud Simon Munnery Simon Wiesenthal Slappy White Socrates Spencer Tracy Steve Martin Taylor Meade Tom Waits William Castle Winston Churchill Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Popular Jokes Posts

Eye contact

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Because Tops don’t have eyes. Men are really too funny! They are naturally attracted by...
Clean Funny Quotes & Jokes to Enjoy Life

'Just chill your life with some of the best short clean hilarious funny quotes & jokes because they are too good to make your day. T...
We all have faults. Mine is being wicked.

Wicked jokes are ornery one but they are capable of making you laugh so enjoy: This lady was all like "Gimme Yo Shoes" And I w...
Homework: because 7 hours of school wasn't enough.
Yoga pants with no ass is like a wallet with no money.
When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a bitch".
FMCG man

"Great! You truly seem to be FMCG man.. You've moved from job to job faster than any FMCG product that you've handled!" ...
Number one

"You are number one in the international list - so what if it is the list of defaulter on foreign loan." Only being number one m...
Want me to accept

"Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?" It's a very straight forw...
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich

Yes, it really happens. When men are in the company of women, they only seek for just two things: either some love or some food! So if the...

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